Tag Archives: Sex

“No Grey Area”

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Here is Kevin DeYoung’s recent post from the gospel coalition site – as always, worth reading.

“There is nothing gray about whether a follower of Christ should see 50 Shades of Grey. This is a black and white issue. Don’t go. Don’t watch it. Don’t read it. Don’t rent it.

I don’t even want to talk about it. Another blogger and I went back and forth for several weeks about how we could write a satirical review panning the movie and skewering those who think they need to see it in order to be relevant. We couldn’t do it. There was no way to make the humor weighty enough to sufficiently condemn such a vile film.

And no, I haven’t seen the movie. I haven’t watched the trailer either. I haven’t read a single page from the book. Reading about the premise from Wikipedia and the IMDb for two minutes convinced me I didn’t need to know any more. Sex is a wonderful gift from God, but like all God’s gifts it can be opened in the wrong context and repackaged in ugly wrapping.  Violence against women is not acceptable just because she’s open to the suggestion, and sex is not open to all permutations, even in an adult relationship. Mutual consent does not a moral philosophy make.

Sex is a private matter to be shared in the privacy and sanctity of the marriage bed (Heb. 13:4). Sex, as God designed it, is not meant for actors who pretend (or not) that they are making “love.” The act of conjugal union is what married couples do behind closed doors, not what disciples of Jesus Christ pay money to watch on a screen the size of your house.

As I’ve said before, we have to take a hard look at what we put in front of our eyes as men and women seated in the heavenly places (Col. 3:1-2). If 50 Shades is a problem, by what standard do we give ourselves a pass on the rest of the sensuality we freely consume? To be sure, awareness of sin is not by itself the problem. The Bible is full of rank immorality. It would be simplistic and morally untenable—even unbiblical—to suggest you cannot watch sin or read about sin without sinning yourself. But the Bible never titil­lates with its description of sin. It never paints vice with virtue’s colors. It does not entertain with evil (unless to mock it). The Bible does not dull the conscience by making sin look normal and righteousness look strange.

Christians shouldn’t try to “redeem” 50 Shades of Grey. We should not get cutesy and advertize a new sermon series on “50 Shades of Grace.” We should not give both art and holiness a bad name by thinking that somehow something as dark as 50 Shades is worth viewing or worth reviewing. According to Paul’s logic, it is possible to expose sin and keep it hidden at the same time (Eph. 5:11-12). “A good man is ashamed to speak that which many people are not ashamed to act” (Matthew Henry).

Some movies do not deserve sophisticated analysis. They deserve sober repudiation. If the church cannot extend grace to sexual sinners, we’ve lost the heart of the gospel. And if we cannot tell people to stay away from 50 Shades of Grey, we’ve lost our minds.”

 

The #1 Love Song – part 2

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I’ve taken time off from writing – but it’s time to get back to it.

In the previous post I quoted from the #1 Love Song of all time – “Song of Songs” by Solomon. It is expressive and shameless in its celebration of sexual intimacy between a husband and wife. But since Jesus says this song is ultimately about him (Luke 24:44), and that human marriage refers to his marriage to the church (Eph. 5:31-33), then what you believe about love, sex, and marriage reveals what you believe about Jesus. And what you believe about sex, the when and between whom, also reveals what you believe about Jesus.

Jesus said that this (song of songs, love-making in marriage, one flesh union, skin on skin intimacy between a man and a woman) is to help us see who is this God that would “so love the world that he would give his only begotten Son” – to die for a bride and win her heart forever. This is why Jesus approves of only one kind of sexual intimacy that is recorded in the Song of Songs. The kind between one man and one woman because there is only one male Jesus Christ and one female bride, the church.

In the Song of Songs, only a male speaking to a female and a female speaking to a male can do this. Two males or two females can’t ever speak to each other in such a complementary and diverse way. Only a male and a female can be husband and wife and only a male and a female were made to literally, physically, anatomically, spiritually – fit together. And it is only a male with a female in married love that displays Christ and the Church.

Therefore, I make these applications based upon what Jesus said and modeled:

1. If your spouse is a member of Christ, his bride, you cannot love the head while you despise his members, one of which is your spouse. Your relationship with your spouse is out of reverence for Christ. How you treat your spouse is how you treat Jesus. Jesus takes it personally.

2. Sacrificial Love on the husband’s part, and sacrificial respect on the wife’s part reveal both our sinful rebellion and need of Jesus Christ at the same time.

Remember, you have to be told to love and to respect. You have to be told to walk in love and submit to one another (Eph. 5:1-2). Your spouse did not create sinful rebellion in your heart – it was already there when you said “I Do”. You’ve always needed Christ to       conquer and captivate your heart.

3. You don’t need a perfect spouse to love him/her, you need a perfect Savior to change your heart to love the way he loves you. The challenge is to know yourself as the bride of Christ, eternally loved from before time – so that you can have the kind of love that lasts a lifetime.

This raises an interesting question:

Why didn’t Jesus get married to better display what married love is all about?

Answer: Because he already was married to a woman – the church! This means that no matter what your status is, married, single, widowed, or divorced, you can know true love by knowing Christ.

 

 

 

The #1 Love Song – part 1

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Check out these lyrics from a song that was written over 2500 years ago. It’s a Love Song that begins with how the bride-to-be feels about her man.

She says: 

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; your anointing oils are fragrant – draw me after you; let us run.” (1:1, 4)

Then He responds: 

“I compare you, my love . . . your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels. You are beautiful my love, you are beautiful, your eyes are like doves.” (1:9a, 15)

She remembers and recites his words of proposal to spend the rest of her life with him: 

“Arise, my love my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.” (2:10-13)

And then she has a bad dream at night before her wedding day, fearing that the love of her life is lost.

“On my bed by night, I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not.” (3:1, 4b)

On their wedding day, they speak their vows to one another:

He says:

“Behold, you are beautiful, my love . . . Your eyes are doves behind your veil . . . your lips are like a scarlet thread and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil . . . your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies . You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you . . . you have captivated my heart, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice! Your lips drip nectar, my bride.” (4:1a, 3, 5, 7, 9-10, 11, 16)

She responds:

“Let my beloved come to his garden and eat its choicest fruits.” (4:16a)

The guests at the wedding party joyfully approve:

“Eat, friends, drink, and be drunk with love!” (5:1b)

Then the Honeymoon, where they intimately describe each other’s body:

She describes her husband: 

“My beloved is radiant and sturdy – his head is the finest – his locks are wavy – his eyes are like doves beside streams of water bathed in milk sitting beside a full pool. His cheeks are like beds of spices, mounds of sweet-smelling herbs. His lips are lilies, dripping liquid myrrh. His arms are rods of gold set with jewels. His body is polished ivory bedecked with sapphires. His legs are alabaster columns, set on bases of gold. His mouth is most sweet and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend.” (5:10-16a)

He describes his wife:

“Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. How beautiful and pleasant you are, o loved one, with all your delights. Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say, “I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine.”   (7:1-2, 6-9)

The night is over. And in the warm summer morning she invites him to make love to her again  – outside among the fruit trees. And then she tells him:

“. . . under the apple tree I awakened you” (8:5)

Nearing the end of the Love Song, she says to her husband: 

“Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.” (8:6-7b)

The Point:

Married Love is a powerful gift from the Lord. It is relentless in its jealous pursuit of one another. It is not selfish but rather, is hot red with devotion and commitment and covenant, it perseveres through anything, plodding along year after year. Nothing is stronger than what God gives to a man and woman in marriage. The Love-making between a husband and wife is the very flame, the passion of the Lord himself.

Which means, there is something more to this Song of Songs (found in the Bible, the Old Testament). I’ll tell you in the next post. But for now, ask yourself this question:

Who is this God that would create such a union of ecstasy between a married man and woman, and why?